3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
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So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
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