Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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