I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
