Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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