So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
