I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
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I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
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Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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