I heard we made out
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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