omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
