Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
