I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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