I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
