i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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