He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
