go do what you do best...puke behind churches
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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