He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize