I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
