Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
