I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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