I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Randomize
