Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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