And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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