At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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