I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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