he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
