we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
