oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
