this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
