just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
