he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
