i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
My ass is underappreciated
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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