You really coming over, don't trick.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
