reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
