The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
