im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
