No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
