also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
