Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
