the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
oh god the rape fog is back!
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
