Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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