So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Randomize
