Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
