i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
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