had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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