Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
