I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
