Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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