I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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