three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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