either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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