Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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