I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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