He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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