dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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