before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
