Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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