my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
