grandma shit on top of the toilet
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
