i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
