i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
