This girl is more easily done than said...
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
