I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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