also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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