remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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